I know nothing for certain about my son’s health, but what I do know is that he will be loved like no other child and he will be given every opportunity to thrive, live, and be whomever he wants to be. I’m already amazed at who he is and what he teaches me daily.
But this week… this week…. UGH! This week…. I am, I am doing it! I am choosing to persevere and relish in the blessings before me. But always, goodness always, somewhere in the deep dark crevices of my mind lies the sinking fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is always there. Lurking and it lays in wait ready to pounce on our joy. It will pounce because we have let our guard down.
Letting that lurking fear immediately makes me feel guilt due in part to a conversation had today with a peer. On any given day we exchange niceties and speak to each other about our world at work and how if someone would just listen to our opinions the world would be a better place. Today… today was different. We of course exchanged our normal words but then, the conversation morphed to a more personal level. It went from insurance craziness to him opening the door and asking the question, “what exactly is the heart condition your son has and is he ok?”
I had promised myself I would never sugar coat the answer to that question or skirt it. I would face it head on. I would face it just as I’ve had to face my worse fears over the past year.
I held it together long enough for the “cliff notes” version while hitting the highlights. As he teared up, he confided in me about his own story. I quickly felt relieved. On one hand I hate that someone else has been in pain over their child and in a lot of ways seeing that he still carries that pain especially over the unknown. But on the other hand it was relief to not be alone and to know that fear is ok.
This new unlikely friend of mine experienced the unthinkable, he experienced the loss of his child. I still have mine…
By the time our conversation had ended I was reminded to not fear and to stay faithful. I was reminded to cherish every moment. I was reminded that you never know what Hell someone else has walked through, but if your experiences and even your pain can help one other person then you are walking the path correctly that was chosen for you.
I was reminded that every day is a gift and to never, NEVER, take one moment for granted…
Painting Butterflies 